A Night In Paris...

Ok several people are asking me in private for the betfair threedom farce story, however I don't know if I can reveal the inside story just yet. Whilst there are corrupt and retarded elements still within Betfair poker I would feel guilty questioning the good work of people such as Ruru and Paul T. Whilst i think over this dilemma I shall leave the blog readers a tale from France. At the end of the day the blog is about poker and myself, so i believe people need to also know a bit about my non poker related experiences. I shall bring some 'James Bond' type tales of action and espionage in the near future!

Ok time for a Night in Paris...

Around ten years ago a good friend of mine had finished with his girlfriend due to her father not accepting him, to get away he decided to spend some time with relatives in Cyprus. He invited me and i agreed to go for two weeks. I took £2000 with me for this trip, where he had relatives almost everything was paid for and i probably didn't spend over £200 in two weeks! During this time i went to a greek wedding, visited the church up the top of the middle of the mountain and done many things which i remember with a true affection. However things such as going to Ayai Napa simply didn't happen as my friend was too heart broken. At the end of my two weeks my friend who was staying longer dropped me off at Larnaca airport. As scheduled I boarded the plane and fell asleep before take off, now being asleep I missed what happened! During take off one of the planes engines blew up and as the plane was taking off it was forced to touch down and cancel take off!

Looking back i did wonder why some local guy in overalls was smashing one of the engines with a hammer as we was boarding the plane. I mean what good can smashing something with a hammer actually do! Now a message came up saying the flight was delayed for seven hours, now anyone with experience can tell you whatever the initial time advertised for a delay it shall actually be much longer! On the way back to the airport terminal i notice Michelle Collins with her young child walking towards the Cyprus Airlines desk. She had recently left eastenders and had been doing some kind of holiday documentary in Cyprus. I decided if a tv star can get out of Cyprus without a seven hour delay then so can I! I went to the desk after here and with a bit of waffle was offered a flight out of Cyprus with a connecting flight to London!

The flight to Frankfurt connecting with one to London simply didn't appeal as quite frankly Frankfurt airport is boring and crappy. The lovely lady informed me I could catch a British airways flight to Paris then a connecting flight to London. However if i missed my connecting flight as was possible due to it being a tight schedule I was responsible for any additional fees. I said I would take my chance, I jump on British Airways flight to Paris and before I know it I have landed!

The french being their usual useless lazy ass selves my luggage was the last off of the plane and took over an hour to reach me! I found a B.A. desk and was told all flights to London had now left.... the last being ten minutes ago! Now I was told in Cyprus that if i missed my connecting flight it was the chance i was taking and not their responsibility.... so i duly informed them that they had arranged for me to get two flights and messed me up! They arranged for me to fly out of Paris first thing in the morning and in the mean time put me up at a Marriot near the airport.

A car took me to the hotel which was fully booked, after some confusion they found me a room and told me that i was also entitled to some dinner and breakfast. Now i hadn't put a card down so i exceeded the £100 budget they had told me I had. I ordered smoked salmon and fresh fruits. So I am there in my early 20's just back from holiday in Cyprus where I was with a love struck friend who prevented me from going out to clubs and having a good time. Also I have almost £2000 burning a hole in my pocket! I got changed, changed around £200 for 2000 francs in the hotel and ordered a taxi to the best nightspot Paris had to offer!

I arrive at the club, have several bottles of champagne (i must have used my card?) and decided it was crap, nowhere near as good as London. So i left the club and asked for a taxi, (the taxi from the hotel to there had cost around 300 francs £30). A taxi stops and being used to asking approximately how much a cab home will cost before i get into it in London I ask the guy. He says around 800 francs. Wait a minute, I have paid 300 francs to get here, I wont pay more than double to get back! I say to the cab no thanks, to which he informs me I must pay him 30 francs (£3) just for stopping. I say fuck off, I wont give you a penny. So he parks his cab in the middle of a one way street and prevents any cars from passing. I assumed cars behind would beep and make him move on, instead they patiently waited!

Before long the police arrived and explained that once a cab stopped it had an initial charge of 30 francs, I explained I hadn't set foot in the cab and thusfore wouldn't give one franc. I was again told i must pay 30 francs to the fucker. So i done the wise move of ripping up a 100 franc note in front of them instead. Off i was bundled into the back of a police van. Then they took me to the nearest police station.

Now i am in the police station, where the French pretend they dont speak english(most of them do) and in return i pretend i can't speak french (i can). They order me to take my belt off, then my shoes. I refused to take my shoes off, then your local french-algerian policeman decides to do a judo move and sweep my feet from behind. He obviously isn't aware of the years I have spent in the middle east and I see his move before he even starts it! I switch my foot back around his take his feet from under him and he falls on his big fat french arse. To which the over cops laugh, then they get up and hit me with a few sticks!

So I am now in a french police cell, they are so prehistoric. Nothing like english police cells, all concrete with a bench and a HOLE in the floor for a toilet. In the morning they wake me up to release me with no charge. Wait did i mention i had almost £2000 with me? Well when i woke up the money was around £500! Robbers, they just let me out through a back door and there I was in the middle of Paris.

I find a cab and get back to my hotel where the £100 smoked salmon and fresh fruit is still untouched! I pack my bags and catch a cab to the airport. Ok I have missed my morning flight so I will catch the next. The next is full and so on and so on. This happens to around four flights and then there is only one flight left to London that day (fridays from paris are IMPOSSIBLE). Even though I am on standby i manage to beg the lady who now felt sorry for me being there for so long to give me a confirmed flight. I managed to catch the last plane home from Paris that night, a guy was left behind who spent thousands a week flying first class on British Airways between London and Paris. Nice when manners mean more than money.

I arrive back home in London around 24 hours after I had arrived at Larnaca airport, later that night I met a friend who had JUST got back from cyprus. He had been booked on the same flight as me initially and waited for the replacement flight. During this time I had been to Paris, been to the best nightclub there, been arrested, had a fight with the police and spent the day on standby at the airport! So at least i was correct in knowing the initial time given for the delay would be longer!

So to this very day I have a hatred of Paris and all things french (except Thierry Henry). I will never ever take a girlfriend there for a break and instead choose amsterdam, new york or a spanish city. The french are ignorant wankers and hopeless at poker too.

Anyways this relates to my poker blog because, wait it doesn't! Just wanted to give my french story to everyone else and the reason why I hate the onion/garlic breath fuckers.

Tomorrow I shall post the betfair freedom farce story..... if not I shall post 'A Night In Las Vegas'.

p.s. any posts on Betfair poker forums as Staffordbull are actually posted by Azimut. He often likes to mess around as proven by his days as 'Son of Punterz'. Any questions about betfair forum posts please direct to www.azimutpoker.blogspot.com